Sunday, August 4, 2013

Pro Football - 2013 NFL Predictions

It's that time of the year once again friends! That magical time of the year that makes all of us feel warm inside, smile on the outside, and grab our loved ones. No, I'm not talking about the winter holidays ... it's football time!!!

This evening in Canton, Ohio, the Dallas Cowboys will be taking on the Miami Dolphins in the Hall of Fame Game ... the unofficial kickoff to the NFL season. This pre-season tradition signals the beginning of competition and gives guys like me an excuse to start thinking about America's most popular sport (curling excluded, of course).

With that said, what better way to kickoff the NFL campaign than with my "Official" predictions for the 2013 season? Here's a list of everything I expect to happen this season once the league officially begins in a little over a month ...

Division Champions (And Projected Records)

NFC East - Philadelphia Eagles (11-5)
NFC North - Green Bay Packers (12-4)
NFC West - San Francisco 49ers (13-3)
NFC South - New Orleans Saints (11-5)
Wildcard - Dallas Cowboys (11-5)
Wildcard - Detroit Lions (11-5)

AFC East - New England Patriots (12-4)
AFC North - Pittsburgh Steelers (11-5)
AFC West - San Diego Chargers (12-4)
AFC South - Houston Texans (13-3)
Wildcard - Cincinnati Bengals (11-5)
Wildcard - Denver Broncos (10-6)

Super Bowl Prediction

San Francisco 49ers over Houston Texans

Individual Player Accomplishments

League MVP - Calvin Johnson, WR, Detroit Lions
Offensive Rookie of the Year - Robert Woods, WR, Buffalo Bills
Defensive Rookie of the Year - Manti Te'o, LB, San Diego Chargers
Comeback Player of the Year - Maurice Jones-Drew, RB, Jacksonville Jaguars

Bold Predictions and Ridiculous Distinctions

Coach of the Year - Chip Kelly, Philadelphia Eagles
Worst Team in the NFL - Tampa Bay Bucs
Star Player Most Likely to Disappoint - Trent Richardson, RB, Cleveland Browns
Team Most Likely to Go Winless - Tennessee Titans
Team Most Likely to Go Undefeated - San Francisco 49ers
Most Fun Team to Watch - Philadelphia Eagles
Player Most Likely to Die on the Field - Tony Gonzalez
Player Most Likely to Die off the Field - Titus Young (Does he count as a player anymore?)
Kicker of the Year - Who Cares?
Team With Most Starting QB's - NY Jets
Worst Rookie QB - Geno Smith, NY Jets
Surprise Moment of the Year - Early Season Tom Brady Injury Leads to Ryan Mallett Becoming a Star
Surprise Moment of the Year #2 - Ryan Mallett Injury Leads to Tim Tebow Bringing the Patriots in to the Playoffs with Back-to-Back Miracle Wins
Feel-Good Moment of the Year - After Second Miracle Win, Tim Tebow Jumps in to the Stands at Gillette Stadium and Delivers a Baby
Longest Run of the Year - Adrian Peterson, 99 Yards
Shortest Run of the Year - RGIII, -26 Yards
Longest Reception of the Year - Victor Cruz, 88 Yards
Shortest Reception of the Year - Chris Johnson, -11 Yards
Aaron Hernandez Verdict - Not Guilty, After the Trial he Signs with the Raiders and Gets OJ Simpson's Old Number
Strangest Injury Off the Field - Fred Jackson Breaks Both Legs After Fans Attack Him in the Parking Lot so CJ Spiller Can Finally Start
Strangest Injury On the Field  - Mark Sanchez Sprains Neck in Whiplash From Running in to Center's Butt ... Again
Biggest Fine - Cam Newton, $100,000 for Wearing Full Superman Costume Instead of Team Uniform in Game Before Halloween
Worst Average Attendance - Jacksonville Jaguars, 17 People/Game
Chad Johnson's Last Name at the End of the Season - Abdul-Jabbar-World-Peace-Cena-Phelps-Bieber
Funniest Moment of the Year - Aaron Rodgers Attempts Lambeau Leap, Pants Fall Down on Way in to the Stands
Odds That All Predictions Above Come True - 17:1

Happy Football Season Everyone!

- Fishy

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