Saturday, August 24, 2013

College Football - 2013 Season Preview

Remember that feeling you had when you were in school and it was the last day before summer vacation? Sitting there with all of your friends, watching movies on the crappy classroom television, wondering why in the world you were wasting your time since tests were done and you wanted to go outside and play? Summer was so close you could taste it, yet you still had to agonize through a day that would have been a gift of gold 2 months earlier. Welcome to my world.

Today, my friends, is the last Saturday before the start of football season. And while it's amazing to say that, it is painful to sit here on my couch and long for the game I love oh so much but can't quite have yet. All I have to hang on to is the promise of what's to come ... 6 months of seclusion from the outside world every weekend with television romance as my heart melts with every touchdown, field goal, and bone breaking hit. As Forrest Gump might say: "Football is like a box of chocolates ... a delicious, gooey, sweet, silky, luscious ..." Wait, where was I going with that? Oh well, it wasn't that important anyway. What IS important is that 5 days from today my North Carolina Tar Heels officially kick off the College Football season in Columbia, SC and I cannot wait!!! I have never been so excited to see a group of grown men play with a bunch of 'Cocks ...

And with that, I give you my official predictions for the 2013 College Football campaign:

BCS Conference Champions

ACC - North Carolina Tar Heels
Big 10 - Ohio State Buckeyes
Big 12 - Texas Longhorns
Pac Insert Number Here - Oregon Ducks
SEC - Georgia Bulldogs
Big East - I can't make a prediction here because I have no idea who's even in this conference anymore.

Potential BCS Conference Upsets

ACC - None. It will either be Clemson, North Carolina, or Miami and none can be considered an "upset."
Big 10 - Nebraska Cornhuskers
Big 12 - Can you count Oklahoma as an upset? Don't count on seeing Kansas State at Number 1 again.
Pac Insert Number Here - UCLA Bruins
SEC - Florida Gators
Big East - Everyone

National Championship

Ohio State Buckeyes over Georgia Bulldogs

Other Honors and Dubious Distinctions

Heisman Trophy - Braxton Miller, QB, Ohio State
Heisman Trophy Runner-Up - Jadeveon Clowney, DE/Beast, South Carolina
Heisman Trophy Winner If He Survives Jadeveon Clowney in Week 1 - Bryn Renner, QB, North Carolina
Disappointment of the Year - Johnny "Football" Manziel (*If he plays)
Most Likely to Crash the BCS - Boise State Broncos
Pre-Season Top 25 Most Likely to Finish Outside the Top 25 - Notre Dame Fighting Irish
Pre-Season Unranked Most Likely to Make the BCS - North Carolina Tar Heels
Game of the Year - Red River Shootout - Texas Longhorns vs. Oklahoma Sooners
Worst Game of the Year - Insert Alabama Cupcake Opponent Here
Upset of the Year - Army over Stanford - September 14th
Surprise of the Year - NCAA officials declare that Tim Tebow has not played enough games in the NFL to be considered a professional athlete. Urban Meyer convinces Tebow to enroll in a Masters program at Ohio State where Tebow proceeds to lead Ohio State to the National Championship.
Wishful Thinking of the Year - Florida over Ohio State in the National Championship Game
First Overall Pick in the 2014 NFL Draft - Jadeveon Clowney
Alabama's Record on the Season - 10-3, Winner of the SEC West, Loser of the SEC Championship Game
Vegas "Prop Bet" of the Year - Number of Colors on the Maryland Uniform vs. Number of Starting QB's at Maryland
Over/Under in Alabama/LSU Game - 5.5
Over/Under in Oregon/USC Game - 187
Guarantee of the Year - North Carolina will Defeat Dook - Victory Bell Returns to Chapel Hill
Guarantee of the Year #2 - The student section of at least 10 schools will rush the field after defeating a school that most of the country has never heard of.
Guarantee of the Year #3 - The SEC will NOT win the National Championship. Yep, I said it.
Guarantee of the Year #4 - Nobody will miss the BCS when it's gone. Expect controversy in the final year.
Guarantee of the Year #5 - Sometime in the next 6 months I will scream "I hate football" out of frustration, but it won't be true. I love football.

Hark the Sound ... Go Heels!

- Fishy

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Pro Football - 2013 NFL Predictions

It's that time of the year once again friends! That magical time of the year that makes all of us feel warm inside, smile on the outside, and grab our loved ones. No, I'm not talking about the winter holidays ... it's football time!!!

This evening in Canton, Ohio, the Dallas Cowboys will be taking on the Miami Dolphins in the Hall of Fame Game ... the unofficial kickoff to the NFL season. This pre-season tradition signals the beginning of competition and gives guys like me an excuse to start thinking about America's most popular sport (curling excluded, of course).

With that said, what better way to kickoff the NFL campaign than with my "Official" predictions for the 2013 season? Here's a list of everything I expect to happen this season once the league officially begins in a little over a month ...

Division Champions (And Projected Records)

NFC East - Philadelphia Eagles (11-5)
NFC North - Green Bay Packers (12-4)
NFC West - San Francisco 49ers (13-3)
NFC South - New Orleans Saints (11-5)
Wildcard - Dallas Cowboys (11-5)
Wildcard - Detroit Lions (11-5)

AFC East - New England Patriots (12-4)
AFC North - Pittsburgh Steelers (11-5)
AFC West - San Diego Chargers (12-4)
AFC South - Houston Texans (13-3)
Wildcard - Cincinnati Bengals (11-5)
Wildcard - Denver Broncos (10-6)

Super Bowl Prediction

San Francisco 49ers over Houston Texans

Individual Player Accomplishments

League MVP - Calvin Johnson, WR, Detroit Lions
Offensive Rookie of the Year - Robert Woods, WR, Buffalo Bills
Defensive Rookie of the Year - Manti Te'o, LB, San Diego Chargers
Comeback Player of the Year - Maurice Jones-Drew, RB, Jacksonville Jaguars

Bold Predictions and Ridiculous Distinctions

Coach of the Year - Chip Kelly, Philadelphia Eagles
Worst Team in the NFL - Tampa Bay Bucs
Star Player Most Likely to Disappoint - Trent Richardson, RB, Cleveland Browns
Team Most Likely to Go Winless - Tennessee Titans
Team Most Likely to Go Undefeated - San Francisco 49ers
Most Fun Team to Watch - Philadelphia Eagles
Player Most Likely to Die on the Field - Tony Gonzalez
Player Most Likely to Die off the Field - Titus Young (Does he count as a player anymore?)
Kicker of the Year - Who Cares?
Team With Most Starting QB's - NY Jets
Worst Rookie QB - Geno Smith, NY Jets
Surprise Moment of the Year - Early Season Tom Brady Injury Leads to Ryan Mallett Becoming a Star
Surprise Moment of the Year #2 - Ryan Mallett Injury Leads to Tim Tebow Bringing the Patriots in to the Playoffs with Back-to-Back Miracle Wins
Feel-Good Moment of the Year - After Second Miracle Win, Tim Tebow Jumps in to the Stands at Gillette Stadium and Delivers a Baby
Longest Run of the Year - Adrian Peterson, 99 Yards
Shortest Run of the Year - RGIII, -26 Yards
Longest Reception of the Year - Victor Cruz, 88 Yards
Shortest Reception of the Year - Chris Johnson, -11 Yards
Aaron Hernandez Verdict - Not Guilty, After the Trial he Signs with the Raiders and Gets OJ Simpson's Old Number
Strangest Injury Off the Field - Fred Jackson Breaks Both Legs After Fans Attack Him in the Parking Lot so CJ Spiller Can Finally Start
Strangest Injury On the Field  - Mark Sanchez Sprains Neck in Whiplash From Running in to Center's Butt ... Again
Biggest Fine - Cam Newton, $100,000 for Wearing Full Superman Costume Instead of Team Uniform in Game Before Halloween
Worst Average Attendance - Jacksonville Jaguars, 17 People/Game
Chad Johnson's Last Name at the End of the Season - Abdul-Jabbar-World-Peace-Cena-Phelps-Bieber
Funniest Moment of the Year - Aaron Rodgers Attempts Lambeau Leap, Pants Fall Down on Way in to the Stands
Odds That All Predictions Above Come True - 17:1

Happy Football Season Everyone!

- Fishy