Today, my friends, is the last Saturday before the start of football season. And while it's amazing to say that, it is painful to sit here on my couch and long for the game I love oh so much but can't quite have yet. All I have to hang on to is the promise of what's to come ... 6 months of seclusion from the outside world every weekend with television romance as my heart melts with every touchdown, field goal, and bone breaking hit. As Forrest Gump might say: "Football is like a box of chocolates ... a delicious, gooey, sweet, silky, luscious ..." Wait, where was I going with that? Oh well, it wasn't that important anyway. What IS important is that 5 days from today my North Carolina Tar Heels officially kick off the College Football season in Columbia, SC and I cannot wait!!! I have never been so excited to see a group of grown men play with a bunch of 'Cocks ...
And with that, I give you my official predictions for the 2013 College Football campaign:
BCS Conference Champions
ACC - North Carolina Tar Heels
Big 10 - Ohio State Buckeyes
Big 12 - Texas Longhorns
Pac Insert Number Here - Oregon Ducks
SEC - Georgia Bulldogs
Big East - I can't make a prediction here because I have no idea who's even in this conference anymore.
Potential BCS Conference Upsets
ACC - None. It will either be Clemson, North Carolina, or Miami and none can be considered an "upset."
Big 10 - Nebraska Cornhuskers
Big 12 - Can you count Oklahoma as an upset? Don't count on seeing Kansas State at Number 1 again.
Pac Insert Number Here - UCLA Bruins
SEC - Florida Gators
Big East - Everyone
Ohio State Buckeyes over Georgia Bulldogs
Other Honors and Dubious Distinctions
Heisman Trophy - Braxton Miller, QB, Ohio State
Heisman Trophy Runner-Up - Jadeveon Clowney, DE/Beast, South Carolina
Heisman Trophy Winner If He Survives Jadeveon Clowney in Week 1 - Bryn Renner, QB, North Carolina
Disappointment of the Year - Johnny "Football" Manziel (*If he plays)
Most Likely to Crash the BCS - Boise State Broncos
Pre-Season Top 25 Most Likely to Finish Outside the Top 25 - Notre Dame Fighting Irish
Pre-Season Unranked Most Likely to Make the BCS - North Carolina Tar Heels
Game of the Year - Red River Shootout - Texas Longhorns vs. Oklahoma Sooners
Worst Game of the Year - Insert Alabama Cupcake Opponent Here
Upset of the Year - Army over Stanford - September 14th
Surprise of the Year - NCAA officials declare that Tim Tebow has not played enough games in the NFL to be considered a professional athlete. Urban Meyer convinces Tebow to enroll in a Masters program at Ohio State where Tebow proceeds to lead Ohio State to the National Championship.
Wishful Thinking of the Year - Florida over Ohio State in the National Championship Game
First Overall Pick in the 2014 NFL Draft - Jadeveon Clowney
Alabama's Record on the Season - 10-3, Winner of the SEC West, Loser of the SEC Championship Game
Vegas "Prop Bet" of the Year - Number of Colors on the Maryland Uniform vs. Number of Starting QB's at Maryland
Over/Under in Alabama/LSU Game - 5.5
Over/Under in Oregon/USC Game - 187
Guarantee of the Year - North Carolina will Defeat Dook - Victory Bell Returns to Chapel Hill
Guarantee of the Year #2 - The student section of at least 10 schools will rush the field after defeating a school that most of the country has never heard of.
Guarantee of the Year #3 - The SEC will NOT win the National Championship. Yep, I said it.
Guarantee of the Year #4 - Nobody will miss the BCS when it's gone. Expect controversy in the final year.
Guarantee of the Year #5 - Sometime in the next 6 months I will scream "I hate football" out of frustration, but it won't be true. I love football.
Hark the Sound ... Go Heels!